Marriage Counseling is Work
I just read an article entitled “The Benefits of Marriage Counseling” from the Faculty Assistance Program of Dartmouth College. What caught my eye about this particular article was that it often quoted the marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, who is the author of the type of therapy that Mike DeMoss uses at the Center. If you would like to read the entire article please click on the link. I would like to summarize 5 of the benefits it went over:
Benefits of Marriage Counseling
- Seek Help Early – The article stated that the average couple waits 6 years before seeking help. It is a fact that the average marriage fails in the first 7 years, indicating that the average couple lives too long with unhappiness.
- Marriage counseling is hard work – Do not expect a quick fix, or that the counselor will do all the work. Unlearning bad habits and learning new, more effective habits is often intense, and frustrating. Expect the process to take time, but it will be worth the effort.
- How did I contribute to the problem? – the reason to go to a counselor is to learn how to change. You must be willing to change in order for counseling to work. Taking responsibility for your share of the marital problems is the first step toward healing. Don’t expect to change your partner, no one can do that. Focus on learning what you can do to change.
- You need to earn your way out of the marriage – the quote that hit me in this article was “Don’t consider divorce until you have investigated every avenue of rehabilitation.” Couples who divorce but never attempt to solve their problems with the help of a counselor are throwing their marriages away without really trying.
- How can marriage counseling help? – marriage counseling provides you and your spouse many ways to bring about change that you would not normally know how to accomplish. A few of these are:
- Leaning ways to communicate better
- Learning how to argue in a healthy manner
- Learning how to state your needs clearly and openly
- Learning how to work through unresolved issues.
- Above all it provides a save environment to identify and communicate issues, feelings and behaviors that bother you.
For more help
If you would like to read more about the Gottman method and how it might help your marriage please click on the link or make an appointment to see Mike. He would be happy to consult with you on your options.