marriage therapy

Marriage Counseling is Work

I just read an article entitled “The Benefits of Marriage Counseling” from the Faculty Assistance Program of Dartmouth College.  What caught my eye about this particular article was that it often quoted the marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, who is the author of the type of therapy that Mike DeMoss uses at the Center. If you would like to read the entire article please click on the link. I would like to summarize 5 of the benefits it went over:

Benefits of Marriage Counseling

  1. Seek Help Early – The article stated that the average couple waits 6 years before seeking help. It is a fact that the average marriage fails in the first 7 years, indicating that the average couple lives too long with unhappiness.
  2. Marriage counseling is hard work – Do not expect a quick fix, or that the counselor will do all the work. Unlearning bad habits and learning new, more effective habits is often intense, and frustrating.  Expect the process to take time, but it will be worth the effort.
  3. How did I contribute to the problem? – the reason to go to a counselor is to learn how to change. You must be willing to change in order for counseling to work. Taking responsibility for your share of the marital problems is the first step toward healing. Don’t expect to change your partner, no one can do that. Focus on learning what you can do to change.
  4. You need to earn your way out of the marriage – the quote that hit me in this article was “Don’t consider divorce until you have investigated every avenue of rehabilitation.” Couples who divorce but never attempt to solve their problems with the help of a counselor are throwing their marriages away without really trying.
  5. How can marriage counseling help? – marriage counseling provides you and your spouse many ways to bring about change that you would not normally know how to accomplish. A few of these are:
    1. Leaning ways to communicate better
    2. Learning how to argue in a healthy manner
    3. Learning how to state your needs clearly and openly
    4. Learning how to work through unresolved issues.
    5. Above all it provides a save environment to identify and communicate issues, feelings and behaviors that bother you.

For more help

If you would like to read more about the Gottman method and how it might help your marriage please click on the link or make an appointment to see Mike.  He would be happy to consult with you on your options.

11 Comments

  1. Rick Rogers on August 29, 2018 at 11:38 am

    I need help to restore my marriage I lost the love of my life which hurts to talk about can you reach out and help me.

  2. Sherry Gajos on September 21, 2018 at 9:42 am

    I really liked what you said about how it helps to seek marriage counseling early instead of living in unhappiness for too long. My older sister and her husband are having issues with their marriage and she’s hoping to go to marriage counseling to save it before they go to divorce. Thank you for the information about how she shouldn’t wait any longer and get going to help herself.

  3. Bethany Birchridge on December 27, 2018 at 11:02 am

    I love how you mentioned that marriage counseling can be hard work, as bad habits need to be unlearned. My cousin is actually having a really hard time with his wife, so he may want to go to counseling. What tips do you have for choosing a great marriage counselor to help him?

  4. Max Gregory on January 23, 2019 at 11:27 pm

    According to recent survey, most of the marriages nowadays are getting failure due to different reasons. This happens because of stress, anxiety, depression, work pressure, lack of communication and so on. One of the most advantageous ways of saving a marriage life is by consulting with a reputed therapist. By reading this article, I found that there really numerous benefits of therapy and counselling. Thanks for sharing such an interesting post.

  5. Dr. Robert Puff on March 14, 2019 at 11:02 pm

    very informative article. Thanx for sharing this to those who want to marry with someone special. It’s good to be married but it’s better to be sure about marriage. I am Dr. Robert Puff (Ph.D.). I am a marriage counselor in Newport Beach. Contact us for any query regarding counseling at 714-337-4889

  6. Ron Booker on August 30, 2019 at 10:01 am

    I like how attending a marriage counseling can help you develop new ways of communicating with your significant other as well as changing your point of view of things. My aunt told me that she was thinking of making her relationship better because she has lost her relationship with her family because of work. I’m going to let her know about finding a Christian counselor to help her.

  7. Dylan Peterson on October 28, 2019 at 10:43 am

    I like what you said about learning how to communicate better as a result of marriage counseling. My brother has been telling me about how he and his wife struggle to talk to one another effectively. I’ll share this information with him so that he can look into their options for counseling.

  8. Henry Killingsworth on December 5, 2019 at 3:42 pm

    I found it interesting when you talked about how visiting a marriage counselor can help you learn how you need to change. My sister and her husband have been getting into a lot of arguments lately, and I am starting to worry about them. I think it would be a good idea for them to find a health clinic that offers marital counseling.

  9. Eli Richardson on January 23, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    I never consider the fact that marriage counseling can help you develop new ways of communicating with your spouse. My wife was telling me that our neighbors have been considering to get divorced. We will speak to them about consulting with a couple’s therapist to help their marriage.

  10. Michelle Carter on March 12, 2020 at 3:12 am

    Hi Deborah, I think we should also think about looking to see how much experience the counselor has! My sister has been telling me how she and her husband have been arguing a lot more than normal and was wondering how she could find the right counselor to help them. I’ll make sure to tell her about checking the counselor’s experiences.

  11. Conrad O'Connor on March 27, 2020 at 10:07 am

    It’s good that you point out that marriage counseling can help to save your marriage. I have been having a lot of conflicts with my wife lately, so I’m considering going to a marriage counselor with her. I’m going to look for a good marriage counseling service in my area to use.

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