Brain Body For Parents

Chapter 3 of “Brain-Body Parenting” by Dr. Mona Delahooke focuses on understanding children’s behaviors through the lens of their nervous systems. This chapter emphasizes the importance of recognizing that many behaviors are instinctual responses to stress rather than intentional actions. Dr. Delahooke introduces the concept of “pathways” to describe different states of a child’s nervous system:

Dr. Delahooke explains that parents can support their children by recognizing three pathways and responding with empathy and co-regulation. This means helping children feel safe and understood, which in turn supports their ability to self-regulate and develop resilience

In the Green Pathway, children feel safe, engaged, and ready to learn. Here are some strategies from Dr. Mona Delahooke’s “Brain-Body Parenting” to support and maintain this state:

1. Positive Reinforcement: Encourage and praise your child for their efforts and achievements. This helps build their confidence and reinforces positive behaviors.
2. Consistent Routines: Establishing predictable routines can provide a sense of security and stability, helping children feel more in control and less anxious.
3. Mindful Presence: Spend quality time with your child, being fully present and attentive. This strengthens your bond and helps your child feel valued and understood.
4. Play and Creativity: Engage in play and creative activities that your child enjoys. This not only supports their development but also keeps them in a positive and engaged state.
5. Empathetic Listening: Listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings without judgment. Validating their emotions helps them feel heard and respected.

The Yellow Pathway represents a state of heightened alertness and mild stress. Children in this state might be anxious, restless, or easily frustrated. Here are some strategies to help support and guide them back to a calmer state:

1. Calm Environment: Create a soothing environment with minimal distractions. Soft lighting, calming music, or a quiet space can help reduce sensory overload.
2. Breathing Exercises: Teach your child simple breathing techniques, such as deep belly breathing or counting breaths, to help them calm down and regain control.
3. Sensory Activities: Engage in activities that provide sensory input, like playing with playdough, using a weighted blanket, or doing gentle stretches. These can help regulate their nervous system.
4. Empathy and Validation: Acknowledge your child’s feelings and let them know it’s okay to feel stressed or anxious. Validating their emotions can help them feel understood and supported.
5. Predictable Routines: Maintain consistent routines to provide a sense of stability and predictability, which can be reassuring for children.
6. Physical Activity: Encourage physical activities like jumping, running, or dancing to help release built-up energy and reduce stress.

The Red Pathway represents a state of intense stress or threat, where a child might exhibit fight-or-flight behaviors such as aggression, defiance, or extreme anxiety. Here are some strategies to help support children in this state:

1. Stay Calm and Grounded: Your calm presence can help soothe your child. Take deep breaths and maintain a steady, reassuring tone.
2. Safety First: Ensure the environment is safe for both your child and others. Remove any potential hazards and give your child space if needed.
3. Empathetic Listening: Acknowledge your child’s feelings without judgment. Phrases like “I see you’re really upset” can help them feel understood.
4. Physical Comfort: If your child is open to it, offer a comforting touch or a hug. Physical reassurance can help them feel secure.
5. Simple, Clear Instructions: Use short, clear sentences to guide your child. Avoid complex explanations that might overwhelm them.
6. Sensory Tools: Provide sensory tools like a stress ball, fidget toy, or a weighted blanket to help them self-soothe.
7. Quiet Time: Create a quiet, safe space where your child can retreat and calm down. This could be a cozy corner with soft pillows and blankets.
8. Model Calm Behavior: Demonstrate calm behavior yourself. Children often mirror the emotional states of their caregivers.

As parents stay attuned to their child’s nervous system, they can make efforts to help the child regulate their emotions. This then is a guide to helping parents co-regulate their child. The ultimate goal is for the child to self-regulate as they mature.

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