If you’ve ever felt torn between meeting one child’s extra needs and making sure the other(s) feel seen, you’re not alone. Many parents in this situation are doing their best to hold everything together — balancing therapy appointments, medical needs, school supports, and emotional care. Yet, even with all the love in the world, the sibling who doesn’t require as much attention can start to feel invisible.

In a 2010 TED Talk, Alicia Maples popularized the term known as “glass children” which refers to someone with a sibling who has chronic illnesses or disabilities. The term “glass child” comes from the idea that parents caring for children with special needs look right though their healthy siblings because so much attention is focused on the higher need child. The term “glass” doesn’t mean these healthy siblings are fragile; quite the opposite, glass children are strong and resilient. They learn early to put their own needs aside becoming the “easy one,” the helper, or the quiet observer while their own feelings go unnoticed. Parents and others may unintentionally assume they’re doing fine because they seem independent, helpful, or mature for their age. But beneath that calm surface, many of these siblings quietly carry feelings of loneliness, guilt, or resentment that they don’t know how to express.

I personally have a passion for these siblings known as “glass children” because I am one of them. I have a brother who was born with developmental disabilities and growing up, his needs often came first, not because mine didn’t matter, but because his were more urgent and obvious. My parents tried their best to juggle it all, but they were faced with an impossible situation. Now as a licensed therapist, I love working with fellow siblings who have similar experiences.

If you are reading this as a parent in this predicament, you might be wondering, “What can I do?” The fact that you are asking that question means you are doing something right! Below are some ideas that I hope will be helpful as you seek to love your “glass child” well. Small, intentional moments of connection make a big difference. It’s not about dividing love — it’s about making sure each child’s needs matter.

1. Create special one-on-one moments.

Even short one-on-one time — a bedtime chat, a drive together, or a shared activity tells your child, “I see you.” It doesn’t need to be elaborate, it just needs to be consistent and undistracted.

2. Invite all feelings.

If they express frustration, jealousy, or guilt, try to listen without correcting or minimizing. Saying things like, “It makes sense that you’d feel that way,” helps them feel safe being honest without fear of judgment.

3. Highlight real strengths.

Glass children often internalize praise for being mature, helpful, or low-maintenance. Gently shift focus by recognizing their creativity, kindness, humor, or courage — traits that reflect who they are, not just how they behave.

4. Normalize their need for attention.

Remind them that needing time, care, or comfort doesn’t make them selfish. You might say, “Everyone in our family needs love and support — that includes you.” This helps counter the quiet guilt many glass children feel for wanting more.

5. Seek outside help if needed.

Family counseling or play therapy can give both parents and children a place to express feelings that are hard to name at home. Sometimes an outside space helps the invisible child feel visible again.

As a parent, you’re already doing the best you can in a complex situation — trying to meet each child’s unique needs with love and patience. It’s never too late to help your child feel seen. Even small shifts in attention and empathy can help a “glass child” begin to trust that their place in the family is steady, secure, and valued. If you think you would benefit from seeking therapy, please reach out, I would love to meet with you and your child to help foster a deeper connection and provide a safe space to express and process. From one “glass child” to another, you are not alone!